Do not conform to the pattern of the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
The year was ending. Christmas songs were played everywhere, and people were making plans for the new year. I thought back about my year – this unforgettable 2014 – all the ups and downs, all the hopes and heartaches, all the intense emotions…and I just had a wistful feeling about it. Not sure what to make of it, not sure where God was leading me to, just clinging on to a sliver of Hope that this is not the end of my conceiving story.
On 28 December 2014, there was an altar call Word of Knowledge that said, “God wants to give this lady a new ring in exchange for the tarnished one.” and my heart leaped yet again. I confidently walked up to be prayed for. Our Senior Pastor’s wife prayed for me, and as she prayed, she said these words, “Lord I ask that You show Jacinta the treasure out of the pain she is going through.” Those words etched deep in me.
I told her that I looked forward to how God will be showing me, and promised to update her about it.
God is good
Who knew, that very night – God answered. 🙂 Through a devotional article I was reading in the wee hours, He impressed upon my heart – “Treasure. You are my Treasure, Jacinta.”
Realizing that, I just broke down and wept like a daughter who finally reached her Father’s arms after a long search for His love. In going through the pain of the failed IVF, there were so many questions left unanswered, tucked aside in a dark corner of my weary heart. I didn’t dare to touch them for I was already so emotionally spent, but not touching these questions didn’t mean that they didn’t exist.
God, if you love me, why didn’t it succeed?
God, if you love me, why do You make it so difficult for me to have a child?
God, if you really love me, why do I have to go through this?
Do you really, really love me?
Turns out, I was asking all the wrong questions.
It wasn’t about whether God loved me.
It was about whether I truly believed He loves me.
Asking God to show me what the treasure was, out of all the pain that I’d experienced this 2014, and having Him answer that it simply is me – that I am His treasure…how lavish God’s love always is!
It was an amazing assurance and I was reminded again that I truly am His beloved. I am cherished by the Most High God. Nothing will ever be able to separate me from His deep love and affection for me. No pain, no brokenness, no heartache.
No failed IVF will be able to do that.
For I am His Treasure.
I quickly texted my Senior Pastor’s wife the next day, and she rejoiced along with me. 🙂