2 Corinthians 4:1
Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart.
At the end of October 2014, my sweet in-laws brought us out for a buffet dinner in town, wanting to cheer me up from the failed IVF procedure. It was a very enjoyable time of catching up with them and I was taking my time to savour each beautifully prepared food item.
I had not even taken my mains yet when all of a sudden, I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen area and became extremely nauseous and weak. It was puzzling, but I dismissed it as discomfort that was probably due to me eating too fast. Bren went to get tea for me, hoping that I would feel better, but I did not.
So I decided to head to the washroom to freshen myself up.
But the moment I stood up to walk, I became very light-headed and my vision was immediately blurred. All I could “see” was yellow light and nothing else. To say that at that moment I was terrified is an understatement. I honestly thought I was going to die!
I held on tightly to Bren’s arm and told him that I could not see and was very weak. He was frightened and everything else after that was a blur rush. The hotel staff got me a wheelchair and a bottle of water, Bren called a cab to send us to A&E, and before I knew it, I was lying on the hospital bed with nurses doing all sorts of checks.
It was quite a traumatic experience, and thinking about it now makes me so glad I don’t have to relive this anymore.
The hospital staff told me that they will send me for some tests, and the results will be in the next day.
Well, turns out – my poor gallbladder was chronically infected and a surgery was highly recommended.
When I heard that news, I told God, Yet another issue? God, I’m so worn out…
The entire year – and especially the month of October – had already been one emotionally and physically exhausting rollercoaster, and I couldn’t imagine going through one more obstacle.
But it was not like I had much of a choice.
So on 6 November 2014, I went for surgery to remove my gallbladder, and it was a very low point in my conceiving journey. I was discouraged and felt so lost and helpless.
But God is faithful and His ways are indeed higher than our ways, His thoughts higher than our thoughts.
On hindsight, the hospitalization leave that I was given after the surgery allowed me more time to grieve and heal from the failed IVF, and God’s sweet grace was given to me through texts from friends and gifts from loved ones, all concerned for my well-being.
I was reminded again that what appears to be, may not be how it really is. God is always working behind the scenes on our behalf, and we only need to trust Him for each step that we take.