I sat on the old, squeaky chair breathing in and out, as deeply as I could.
I could sense my boss’s apprehension, probably trying to guess what I was about to tell her.
When I did, her face fell flat.
And almost immediately, she said, “Okay, maybe you can think about it a bit more. Don’t decide so fast.”
“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.
But small is the gate and narrow is the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
I didn’t want to mislead her, so I repeated myself – I am very sure I am going to quit. It’s just a matter of how God will work things out.
She was clearly very disappointed, and it didn’t surprise me. I would have been taken aback if I were in her shoes too.
In that few minutes, the small room that we were in felt even smaller, with neither of us talking. We had to take time to process what was happening, and sometimes, silence feels safer.
She ended it with an assurance that felt more for herself, saying, “God is still in control, no problem.” I gave a weak smile, and we ended it right there. We did not even end with prayer like we usually would, and I attributed it to the shock of the news. Who could blame her? I was rocking the boat – intentionally.
Weeks passed, and there was an awkwardness to our interactions. I had to give her the time and space to digest the news, so although it was extremely difficult, I tried my best to focus on my work, and just doing the next thing and the next thing…and the next thing.
The sweetness of that lonely period at work was whenever I felt alone and weak in my spirit, God would surely send kind people my way (including volunteers in our Centre) to encourage my heart. It meant so much to me, and that truly was the daily grace which I desperately needed to get through that time.