I could hardly wait for Bren to wake up. I have always been the early riser in our family, and he is the resident night owl. But this conviction was so strong in me, I had to double up the effort to not wake him up.
Once he was awake and freshened up, I decided to share with him on what God convicted me about last night, that I needed to leave my job. I even had a date – by 28 February 2015! I was so certain and was actually quite excited to see what God was leading me to.
2 Corinthians 4:8-9
We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed.
However, Bren was not on the same page yet.
He couldn’t understand the drastic change in direction, especially since we were already planning to do the IVF treatment in September/October period. He was also concerned about our finances and needed more time to digest the news.
There was an awkward silence, and I wasn’t sure how to proceed. It felt like I put something heavy onto our light-hearted, relaxing holiday. But there was no other way about it. I was very clear it was the direction God was leading me to.
He asked, “What happens if the IVF procedure succeeds? Do you still quit? What happens if you cannot find a replacement for your position by February? Do you still quit?”
These were all questions I was battling to find an answer for too, but I honestly had no certain answers for them at all.
None, except – yes, I’m still certain that God is leading me to quit my job.
To quit a job that I agreed to a few years back, that I’ll be taking over the Centre Supervisor position, and yes…it really sounds like bad timing, but yes – I’m still going to quit. Simply because God says so.
“We just need to trust God,” I told Bren, hoping that this answer – though so simplistic – will appease him.
Naturally, it did not.
From then on, I knew it was just me & God.
I felt very alone, very misunderstood, but that also drew me closer to hanging on to God and His promises.