It is not all pretty pink roses when God puts you through a long waiting period.
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.
Learning to let go
I cannot say that I have never doubted God’s faithfulness, nor can I say my heart’s posture was Christ-like throughout the wait, but what I can honestly say is that through the pain of being pruned by God in the wait, I have learned to depend on Him more.
When Bren and I were low on patience with each other because of the stress of this journey to an unknown place, misunderstandings cropped up easily, and arguing over tiny things became more frequent, and we are not proud of it.
I would feel frustrated that my body wasn’t functioning in the way it was “supposed to”, and I would get ticked off whenever questions were directed to me about when am I going to have a baby. I mean, how about you tell me??
As time passed, we realized we could not go on this way. We had to be more intentional about guarding our marriage and our day to day interactions. So we shared more often about our anxieties and frustrations, our fears and disappointments. It was a very trying time, and it was difficult to surrender the issue to the Lord, but we kept trying.
Bit by bit, it became easier. Our surrender became more genuine, and God provided the grace to help us communicate better. The whole conceiving journey was beyond our control, and though it made us feel so helpless, it also pointed our hearts back toward the only One who could help us.
I knew I needed to hand back the steering wheel to Him, so I threw away all my ovulation tests kits (they were expensive!), set aside all the books on conceiving, and basically let go…and let God take His rightful place again.